More than a Box of Chocolates
Discovering Love that Surpasses Romance
1 Corinthians 13
Forrest Gump tells us life is like a box of chocolates. I would add that while life might be, love is not, even if it comes in a heart-shaped box.
Love that Sustains
Culture markets the powerful thrill of romantic love. We long for the excitement, the passionate pull of attraction, and the deep satisfaction of feeling valued by someone we admire. Although we desire and enjoy that kind of love, we also need security from fluctuating feelings. We require more than a thrill to sustain life.
I adore chocolate, and crave it at times, but I can’t build my diet upon it. A sugar high burns off, leaving no strength to labor through a long day or nutrients to grow and heal. While romance makes a wonderful chocolate coating, we need a persevering substance in the center. We need enduring love that builds and sustains, able to bear us up and steady us “for better or for worse.”
“...I believed I had to fall in love to feel valued and fulfilled. I felt trapped, waiting for cupid’s lightning to strike.”
Granted, romantic love has potent appeal. As marriage came to me in my late 30’s, I had plenty of waiting years. I subconsciously hoped for love to unfold like a Jane Austen novel. I wanted to be discovered among the crowd, captivating in my uniqueness, and inspiring the desire for a lifetime of my companionship. In the meantime, I did my best to embrace a busy life of career and friends, but loneliness stalked me in the shadows. At times, aching would overtake me, along with hot tears, when I believed I had to fall in love to feel valued and fulfilled. I felt trapped, waiting for cupid’s lightning to strike. Thankfully, the Bible has a different message.
Love Surpassing Romance
The often quoted 1 Corinthians 13 describes the love of persevering substance. Nicknamed the “love chapter,” it tops the list as the most popular New Testament passage read at weddings. Officiants employ the apostle Paul’s letter to charge couples with the kind of love they should pursue. A love building a reliable foundation to last a lifetime. A love surpassing romance. A love focusing outward first, before grasping inward.
While applicable to marriage, Paul wrote his inspirational words for relationships beyond that bond. He wrote to the community of the church about a love accessible to all, whether married or single. We already possess this love because we give it rather than seek it. And in the act of giving, we find a deep fulfillment that nourishes our hearts.
Charity-Love
Paul had several Greek words for love to choose from, and he picked the word “agape” for his message. Agape translates into Latin as “caritas,” from which we get our English word “charity.” In today’s world, “charity” invokes images of giving to the needy in a spirit of benevolence. Charitable love turns outside of self with sacrificial generosity. In his book, Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis highlights the difference in meaning:
“. . .'Charity' now means simply what used to be called 'alms'—that is, giving to the poor. Originally it had a much wider meaning… Charity means ‘Love, in the Christian sense.’ But love, in the Christian sense, does not mean an emotion. It is a state not of the feelings but of the will; that state of the will which we have naturally about ourselves [i.e., seeking our own best welfare], and must learn to have about other people.”
“We feel valuable as we offer value—participating with Jesus as he loves others through us. ”
Feelings of romance fluctuate like the weather, with highs and lows throughout our lifetime. However, the benefits of charity-love remain steadfast, both as we receive and care for the welfare of others. As we give support, our hearts fill with the satisfaction of helping. As we encourage and provide comfort, we experience joy from the good that arises. We feel valuable as we offer value—participating with Jesus as he loves others through us. We share in a continuous cycle of love wrapped in the community relationships of the church. A love that soothes the aching places in our heart.
The Love Cycle
I witnessed the power of this love cycle when I spoke to a woman who sought out our church one Sunday. Living with the challenges of physical disability, she shared with me her story of lonely desperation. Recently abandoned in her latest relationship, she woke up that morning questioning the purpose of living another day. Drowning in hopelessness, she rode her motorized scooter, her sole transportation, to the closest church she could find. She mentioned passing a homeless man on the way. His sadness caught her eye, as a reflection of her own, and she felt compelled to stop a moment to say hello. She spoke to me about the compassion she felt for him in their brief conversation before she continued on.
Her tears flowed as she finished her brief story. After a pause, I suggested that as defeated as she felt, perhaps God did have a purpose for her that day. Even as she felt empty, God used her to give the homeless man a smile and the dignity of a conversation. Maybe she had delivered the only light of hope for him that day.
I saw a light raise in her own eyes as she considered that perspective. The charity-love she offered, even within her own pain of feeling unloved, returned to her as a love gift from God. She received hope that God had a purpose for her, even when she might not recognize or feel it. Although, empty and abandoned, she allowed love to fill her by allowing it to flow through her.
Love in Action
The love portrayed in 1 Corinthian 13, transcends feelings as a verb of loving actions. Paul elaborates on the characteristics:
“Love is patient, love is kind. Loves does not envy, is not boastful, is not arrogant, is not rude, is not self-seeking, is not irritable, and does not keep a record of wrongs. Love finds no joy in unrighteousness but rejoices in truth.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-6)
Paul’s description of love exceeds even the dreams of Jane Austen. That kind of love will sweep you off your feet from any source. It might be the grandmother volunteering her time as a friend to children with disabilities, or the teenage boy chatting with the widower next door as he pulls his empty trashcan up from the curb. You might feel it watching a group of retirees helping to clean out mud from flood-ravaged homes. Perhaps you find it in the friend who listens to your break-up story and reminds you how great you are. Or it might be the unexpected offer from somebody at church who stops to ask how they can pray for you. You can be that person.
Paul sums up his soliloquy on the best kind of love with a heart-soaring climax: “It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (1 Corinthians 13:7)
In other words, charity-love—the love that gives and fills—perseveres. It believes the best, expects the best, and holds out for the best. Yes, sometimes it’s wrapped in the special package of romance or marriage, and we should delight in those chocolate moments. But the nourishing substance of growth and healing abides in the rich love of God for us. The treasure of the sweet center that sustains already rests within our grasp. And as we choose to give that love to others, we find ourselves filled up as we pour out.
Where is your love-in-action needed?
Source Notes:
Lewis, C. S. Mere Christianity. (New York: HarperCollins Publishers, 2015).
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